Filing for divorce is a big step. It touches your finances, your routines, and your emotions. Going first can look like an advantage at first glance, but it can also bring extra pressure and put more on your shoulders to get things moving. It may set a combative tone that makes conflicts sharper and negotiations harder. Take time to prepare for divorce so you can plan for both the legal process and the emotional ups and downs.
Who files for divorce first can also influence certain aspects of the case, such as the timing of court proceedings and initial legal strategies. Timing and strategy matter, and they are different for every family. If you are contemplating divorce and are unsure whether to file first, it’s crucial to seek professional advice tailored to your unique situation. A knowledgeable divorce and family lawyer in San Antonio can provide the guidance you need to face this challenging decision. At Family Matters Law Firm PLLC, our team of San Antonio divorce and family lawyers can walk you through your options, from costs to legal risks to emotional impact. Don’t face this difficult time alone. Contact us today at (210) 997-2914 to ensure your rights and interests are protected throughout the divorce process.
What is the Divorce Process in Texas?
Navigating the divorce process in Texas requires a clear understanding of the state’s unique laws and procedures. This section will provide a comprehensive overview to help you grasp the essential aspects of filing for divorce in Texas.
How Divorce Laws Work in Texas
Texas follows a “no-fault” divorce principle, allowing couples to file for divorce without proving fault or wrongdoing by either party. The most common ground for divorce is “insupportability,” meaning the marriage has become insupportable due to discord or conflict of personalities. However, Texas also recognizes fault-based grounds such as adultery, cruelty, and abandonment, which can influence the division of property and other divorce outcomes.
Texas is a community-property state: most property acquired during marriage is community property. On divorce, courts divide the community estate in a ‘just and right’ manner (not automatically 50/50) and may consider factors such as fault when apportioning property.
Filing Requirements and Procedures
To file for divorce in Texas, at least one spouse must have been a resident of the state for a minimum of six months and a resident of the county where the divorce is filed for at least 90 days. The process begins with one spouse, known as the “petitioner,” filing an Original Petition for Divorce with the district court in the appropriate county.
The petitioner must then serve the other spouse, known as the “respondent,” with the divorce papers, either through a private process server, sheriff, or other legal means. After service, the respondent must file a written answer on or before 10:00 a.m. on the Monday next after 20 days have elapsed from the date of service.
If the respondent does not answer, the case may proceed without their participation, but the petition cannot be ‘taken as confessed.’ The filing spouse must still present evidence to support the requested relief, and the court must ensure property division is ‘just and right’ and any orders affecting children meet statutory standards. If the respondent contests the divorce, the case may proceed to mediation, settlement negotiations, or a trial, depending on the circumstances.
Timeline for Divorce Proceedings
The timeline for divorce proceedings in Texas can vary widely based on the details of the case and whether the divorce is contested or uncontested. There is a mandatory 60-day waiting period from the date of filing before a divorce can be finalized, except in cases involving family violence or an active protective order.
For uncontested divorces, where both parties agree on all terms, the process can be relatively quick, often concluding shortly after the waiting period. However, contested divorces, involving disputes over child custody, property division, or other significant issues, can take several months or even years to resolve.
Key factors that can extend the timeline include:
- Discovery Process: Gathering and exchanging information and documents relevant to the case.
- Mediation: Attempting to reach a settlement agreement with the help of a neutral third-party mediator.
- Court Hearings and Trial: If settlement efforts fail, the case may proceed to court for a judge to make the final decisions.
Knowledge of the fundamental elements of the Texas divorce process can help you manage the legal proceedings and prepare for the potential challenges and timelines involved.
Immediate Financial Implications
The decision to initiate a divorce in Texas has immediate financial effects that can influence who begins the legal process. A person considering being the first to file should examine these initial costs.
Higher Initial Filing Fees
One of the immediate financial burdens of filing for divorce first is the responsibility for the initial filing fees.
As of 2025, the San Antonio District Clerk lists the filing fee for an Original Petition for Divorce at $350 (without children) or $401 (with children). This fee is required to officially start the divorce process in the court system. Please note that service of process is an additional cost, and rates for private process servers vary. Other fees may also apply; it is always advisable to check the current county fee schedule before filing.
These combined expenses, while relatively minor, are important factors to consider when deciding who should file for divorce first.
Potential for Increased Legal Costs
Filing for divorce first can also lead to increased legal costs. When you initiate the divorce, you may need to retain an attorney earlier in the process to draft and file the necessary paperwork. This early engagement can result in higher legal fees, especially if the divorce becomes contested.
Moreover, if your spouse is caught off guard by the filing, it may lead to a more contentious and prolonged legal battle. A surprised spouse might react defensively, potentially increasing the difficulty and duration of the divorce proceedings. This escalation can significantly raise attorney fees and other legal expenses, as more time and resources are required to navigate disputes over issues such as property division, child custody, and support.
Temporary Financial Strain
The immediate costs associated with filing for divorce can create temporary financial strain. Aside from the initial filing fees and service costs, you may also need to budget for other short-term expenses. These can include costs related to temporary living arrangements if one spouse moves out of the marital home, as well as expenses for new household items and utilities.
Additionally, during the early stages of divorce, courts may issue temporary orders that affect your financial situation. These orders can dictate temporary child support, spousal support, and the division of certain expenses until the final divorce decree is issued. Being the first to file means you might need to quickly adjust to these financial obligations, which can add to the strain.
Legal Disadvantages
Initiating the divorce process first in Texas has specific strategic implications that can influence the proceedings. It is wise to consider these points to make a well-planned decision.
Loss of Strategic Advantage
One significant legal disadvantage of filing for divorce first is the potential loss of strategic advantage. When you initiate the divorce, you lay your cards on the table, revealing your intentions and legal strategies to your spouse. This allows the respondent to prepare and counter your claims more effectively. They have the opportunity to consult with their attorney, gather evidence, and develop a response that addresses your allegations and requests.
Moreover, being the first to file may eliminate the element of surprise, which can be a valuable strategic tool in legal proceedings. Filing first may unintentionally give your spouse the time to strategize, potentially weakening your position in negotiations or court arguments.
Potential Bias from the Court
Filing for divorce first can sometimes lead to perceived or actual bias from the court. Judges in Texas are expected to remain impartial and base their decisions on the facts and evidence presented. However, the act of filing first can sometimes be viewed negatively. The judge might question your motives and reasons for being so eager to dissolve the marriage, potentially interpreting it as an indication of underlying issues or ulterior motives.
This scrutiny can affect how the judge views your requests for temporary orders or your overall credibility during the proceedings. While judges strive to be fair, human biases can occasionally influence their perspectives, especially in emotionally charged cases like divorce.
Risk of Unfavorable Temporary Orders
When you file for divorce, you typically request temporary orders to address immediate concerns such as child custody, spousal support, and use of marital property. While these orders are meant to provide stability during the divorce process, filing first doesn’t guarantee favorable outcomes. In fact, the court may issue temporary orders that are not in your favor.
For instance, if you request temporary custody of the children, the court might decide that it’s in the children’s best interest to stay with the other parent, especially if the other parent can demonstrate a stable and supportive environment. Similarly, temporary spousal support or use of the marital home might not be granted as you requested, leading to financial and logistical challenges during the divorce process.
| Disadvantage | Explanation | Potential Impact |
|---|---|---|
| Loss of Strategic Advantage | Filing first reveals your intentions, giving your spouse time to prepare their response and gather evidence. | Weakened negotiation power and reduced element of surprise in court proceedings. |
| Potential Bias from the Court | Judges are expected to be impartial, but filing first may make your motives appear questionable in the judge’s eyes. | Reduced credibility in requests for temporary orders; increased scrutiny of your actions and motives. |
| Risk of Unfavorable Orders | Filing doesn’t guarantee favorable temporary custody, support, or property decisions. | You may face financial strain, loss of custody, or loss of use of marital property during the process. |
San Antonio Divorce and Family Lawyer – Family Matters Law Firm PLLC
Linda Leeser
Linda Leeser is the founder of Family Matters Law Firm PLLC in San Antonio. She earned her Doctorate of Jurisprudence from St. Mary’s School of Law, where she served in both the civil and criminal clinics. Linda came to the legal profession after navigating her own litigation to secure conservatorship rights for her grandchild, an experience that fuels her compassion and tenacity for clients facing high-stakes family matters.
Since becoming licensed, Linda has practiced as a courtroom litigator across a range of matters, including family law, bankruptcy, criminal defense, wills, business law, and other civil actions. She is a member of the Texas Bar College and the San Antonio Bar Association, and she is a graduate of Gerry Spence’s Trial Lawyers College. Linda is admitted to practice in Texas state courts and the U.S. District Court for the Western District of Texas. Originally from Colorado and a mother of five, she brings both real-world perspective and unwavering advocacy to every case.
Impact on Children and Custody
The parent who files for divorce first in Texas can influence decisions about the children and their custody. It is beneficial for parents to consider these potential outcomes to make choices that support their children’s stability and welfare.
Perception of the Filing Parent
When one parent files for divorce, it can influence how both the children and the court perceive that parent. Filing first might be seen as an aggressive move, potentially painting the filing parent in a negative light. This perception can be especially harmful if the children interpret the action as a desire to disrupt the family unit or if the other parent portrays the filing as a selfish act.
Children may feel a sense of betrayal or confusion, especially if they were unaware of marital issues. The filing parent must be prepared to address these emotional responses and work to reassure the children that the decision was made with their best interests in mind. Additionally, the court may scrutinize the filing parent’s motives, which could influence custody decisions if the court perceives the filing as driven by self-interest rather than the children’s welfare.
Custody Battle Complications
Filing for divorce first can also complicate custody battles. In Texas, the primary consideration in custody decisions is the best interest of the child. However, initiating the divorce can sometimes lead to a more contentious custody dispute. The respondent may feel defensive or threatened, prompting them to fight more aggressively for custody, which can prolong the legal process and increase emotional strain on the children.
Moreover, if the filing parent is perceived as trying to gain an unfair advantage or manipulate the situation, the court might be more critical of their custody requests. This scrutiny can complicate efforts to secure favorable custody arrangements. Parents must be prepared to present a clear and compelling case that demonstrates their commitment to the children’s best interests, supported by evidence of their involvement and stability.
Influence on Child Support Decisions
Filing for divorce first can also impact child support decisions. In Texas, child support is determined based on guidelines that consider factors such as the noncustodial parent’s income and the number of children requiring support. However, the dynamics introduced by filing first can influence these decisions.
If the filing parent requests temporary orders for child support, the court’s decisions during this period can set a precedent for the final child support arrangements. It’s crucial for the filing parent to provide accurate financial information and a clear picture of the children’s needs to ensure fair temporary orders. Additionally, any perception of the filing parent attempting to manipulate financial outcomes can affect the court’s final decisions on child support.
Furthermore, a contentious divorce process can lead to disputes over income, assets, and expenses, complicating the determination of appropriate child support amounts. It’s essential for both parents to cooperate and provide transparent financial disclosures to facilitate a fair and accurate calculation of child support.
Coping with the Pressure of Initiating Divorce
Filing for divorce first can be emotionally overwhelming. While it may provide a sense of control, it often comes with stress, guilt, and personal challenges. Recognizing these emotions and finding healthy ways to manage them is essential for well-being.
- Stress and Anxiety: Initiating divorce often means carrying the weight of delivering life-changing news. The anticipation of the other spouse’s reaction, concerns about legal proceedings, and uncertainty about the future can lead to anxiety, sleepless nights, and emotional exhaustion. Divorce can take an emotional toll, impacting decision-making. Prioritizing self-care through therapy, mindfulness, and maintaining a healthy routine can help reduce stress.
- Guilt or Sense of Blame: Filing first can sometimes create a sense of guilt, even when the decision is necessary. Family members or friends may place blame, making it harder to process emotions. Texas is a no-fault divorce state under Texas Family Code § 6.001, meaning a spouse does not have to prove wrongdoing to file. While some divorces involve fault-based claims, filing first does not mean taking full responsibility for the end of the marriage. Seeking support from a therapist, counselor, or trusted friends can help reframe these feelings.
- Impact on Personal Well-Being: The emotional weight of initiating a divorce can be significant. Participating in relaxing activities like exercise, hobbies, or meditation can help maintain stability. Support groups and counseling can provide reassurance and guidance.
Taking care of your mental health is as important as addressing any legal matters during this time. Allowing yourself to seek help and finding ways to manage your stress effectively can make a substantial difference in navigating through this challenging period.
Social and Relational Consequences
Filing for divorce first in Texas can have significant social and relational consequences that extend beyond the immediate legal and financial aspects. These consequences can affect family dynamics, social relationships, and community ties.
The Strain on Family Relationships
Initiating a divorce can place considerable strain on family relationships. When you are the first to file, you might bear the emotional burden of breaking the news to family members, including children, parents, and extended relatives. This can be an overwhelming and emotionally charged responsibility.
Family members may react with shock, disappointment, or anger. The filing parent may face blame or criticism, which can strain relationships further. It’s essential to approach these conversations with sensitivity and to have a support system in place to help manage the emotional fallout. Ensuring that children understand that the decision was made with their best interests in mind and providing them with emotional support is crucial during this time.
Changes in Social Dynamics
Filing for divorce first can also lead to significant changes in social dynamics. Friends and acquaintances may take sides, leading to a shift in social circles. Some friends may feel compelled to choose between the two spouses, resulting in loss of mutual friendships or support networks.
Moreover, social interactions can become awkward or strained as friends and acquaintances navigate their relationships with both parties. The filing spouse may experience feelings of isolation or loneliness, especially if they lose access to shared social groups or activities that were part of their marital life.
It’s important for the filing spouse to cultivate new social connections and engage in activities that provide emotional support and a sense of community. Joining support groups for individuals going through divorce or reconnecting with old friends can help mitigate the impact of these social changes.
Effect on Mutual Friends and Community
The decision to file for divorce can also affect mutual friends and the broader community. Mutual friends may feel uncomfortable or uncertain about how to interact with both spouses. They might avoid social gatherings or events where both parties might be present, leading to a sense of division within the community.
In smaller or close-knit communities, the news of the divorce can spread quickly, leading to gossip or speculation. This can add to the emotional stress and anxiety of the filing spouse, who may feel scrutinized or judged by community members.
Managing Social Stigma and Building Emotional Support
Stigma still follows divorce, and filing first can feel like a spotlight. Some people assume you caused the breakup, or they gossip. That can isolate you, raise your stress, and even influence co-parenting. You can manage it and build a stronger circle around you today.
Start by choosing a tight message. Share only what you need. Try a simple line like, “I made a careful decision for my family, and I am taking healthy steps.” Repeat it with friends, coworkers, and relatives. Set boundaries on social media, mute or block accounts that stir conflict, and keep legal issues offline.
Next, build support with intention. Lean on one or two trusted people for daily check-ins. Add structured care, counseling, or a San Antonio divorce group that fits your schedule. Many meet after work and offer peer tools on grief, stress, and co-parenting. Keep your body in the mix too, sleep, water, movement, and steady meals protect mood and focus.
When stigma shows up at school, church, or extended family events, redirect to logistics: “The kids are doing well, and we are following a plan.” If someone presses for details, say, “I am not discussing that. Thanks for respecting my privacy.”
A San Antonio divorce and family lawyer can help in concrete ways. We can coach you on safe communication, prepare statements for employers or schools, document harassment, and request protective orders when needed. We can also connect clients with counselors and local groups. With clear boundaries and a steady team, you protect your mental health and your case.
Getting the Legal Help of Family Matters Law Firm PLLC
The difficulties of divorce can be substantial, particularly when a person must decide whether to file first. Recognizing the potential disadvantages can help you make a more informed choice and prepare for the journey ahead. Remember, every divorce case is unique, and having professional legal support can make a significant difference in achieving a fair and amicable resolution
If you’re in San Antonio and need personalized guidance on divorce and family law matters, don’t hesitate to reach out to a knowledgeable lawyer. Contact Family Matters Law Firm PLLC today at (210) 997-2914 to discuss your options and take the first step towards a new beginning.
